Advice from a Bi Big Sister/Aunt on How to Survive the Holidays
A birthday cake puzzle with a few pieces missing. Credit: My camera roll.
March and April are filled with complicated family dynamics. Whether you celebrate Eid, Purim, Passover, birthdays, or are expected at your family’s Easter dinner even the most supportive family gatherings are difficult to navigate. Here are some tips to make those awkward moments easier to handle.
You don’t have to go. “Keeping the peace” with shitty relatives isn’t worth sacrificing your mental health. For example: I will not being going to my grandparents’ Easter dinner this year.
Embrace being the “cool” aunt or sister. Being the only bi woman in a family of straight people can feel isolating. It’s easy to compare our lives to the heteronormative lives of the people around us. However, different does not mean bad. Your life, accomplishments, and experiences are something to be proud of. I’m sure the family members you have positive relationships with are proud of you too!
Leave early if you need to. You don’t need to stay if conversations turn sour.
Invite your partner or a friend. Don’t underestimate the comfort of a confidant in unpredictable situations. You could even ask them to text or call you afterwards.
Do traditions at home. I made hamantaschen from my father’s family’s recipie, and I enjoyed the experience.
My father’s family’s hamantaschen recipie. Credit: My great aunt.
Host a friends version of what you’re celebrating. You can apply this concept to every holiday. From Halloween to Valentine’s Day hosting a party can be just as heartwarming.
Celebrate with trusted family members in unconventional ways. Maybe you could have lunch with your parents before the big family gathering. Or you could offer to visit your niece on a different day than her main birthday party.
Lastly, for all of my fellow bi hard of hearing/deaf girls, take hearing breaks. Don’t be afraid to ask family members to repeat themselves, write, or sign. Dinner Table Syndrome is as real as it is exhausting.
Break a leg out there!
An image of colorful flowers. Credit: my camera roll.
